Tis' the Season for Office Christmas Parties

While the downturn in the economy has put a damper, or forced the cancellation of many office Christmas parties, they do still happen, but on a smaller scale. 

If nothing else we have our memories of the horrible food, drunken booses, and Ted from marketing disappearing into the bathroom with one of the interns. 

Have any great stories?  Send them in, here are some I've come across to get you through the big office bash.

En Fuego

Back in the early '70s I was a teaching assistant during graduate school. One of the department secretaries hosted a faculty and staff Christmas party. It was a time when everyone smoked wherever they wanted, and I was a smoker at the time.

I was talking to someone in the living room with a cigarette in my hand. As I spoke I was gesturing with broad sweeps of my arms. At one point, I accidentally hit the wall with the lit end of my cigarette -- the same wall their couch sat against.

The party went on. It was time to leave. As I was leaving I smelled smoke and looked over to see a steady plume of smoke rising from the back of the couch, caused no doubt by the embers from the hot ash of my cigarette as it hit the wall.

"Oh look!" I cried out. "Your couch is on fire!"

It was Cancelled!

I got the wrong date for the office party that was to be held at a very expensive restaurant. I showed up at work and asked a fellow co-worker if she and her husband wanted to ride to the party with us that night and she responded, "Why? The party was last night. Where were you? We waited for you and your wife for 30 minutes before we got started."

In preparation for the party, we both bought new clothes and had to sell NBA tickets because of the supposed scheduling conflict.

This happened five years ago and I am reminded of it EVERY year when the holiday party is being scheduled.

I couldn't face my wife due to all the trouble we went through to get ready for the party. To this day, my wife thinks they cancelled the party - I was too embarrassed to tell her I got the dates wrong. It is my dirty little secret!

Dozing Off

After enjoying myself at our office holiday party, I was feeling very tired and had to go outside and lay down in the back seat of a co-worker's car. Turns out it was my boss' car and he didn't realize I was asleep in the back seat until he had driven all the way home! So, I went inside to call a cab, much to his wife's disapproval.

The Musical Entertainment

At my first company Christmas party, the entertainment was a group of female impersonators who dressed up like Cher, Tina Turner, Bette Midler and a few others, and sang and danced like they were real women. Other than a couple of oversized shoulder blades, you would never know they were men. Many of the old ladies from advertising and customer service were very impressed. Clueless and impressed. “These gals are really good! They look and sound like the real thing!” I overheard one say to another. I didn’t have the heart to tell them that those gals that they were watching were men. They had gotten their hair done and put on girdles for this party; who was I to spoil it for them.

I See London, I See France

At the office Christmas party, the back of my silk dress got caught my panties after a visit to the ladies room. It was a good 10 minutes I pranced around the party before an "angel" came up to me and told me my status. Ladies, if you see another girl is this situation- help her out (wouldn't you want that too?)

Buckle Up!

Unfortunately, I have to admit my huge blunder. After the classy holiday party at the nicest restaurant in our town I had had a few to many when my coworker and I were outside laughing it up. The party had ended and another co-worker and his future wife were about to leave. This co-worker was very religious and as they were leaving I yelled to him don't forget to buckle up his condom. I had just watched Father of the Bride the previous night and thought it would be funny. Wrong!

Huh?

Let's just say it involved alcohol, a bathroom sink, and I ended up with a nice shiner, although I didn't feel a thing.

Don't End up on You Tube

I went as a date to my best girlfriends office party last year. We spent the day getting our make up done on Newbury Street in Boston, then having cocktails and girly fun in our hotel room before the party. I had a fantastic outfit picked out and was excited to strut my stuff. Fast forward to my girl friends and I being the only ones on the dance floor-- drinks in hand. Feeling sassy, I broke out my signature dance move, involving some hip-swaying, booty-shaking elements. As it turns out, the back of my skirt was up over my panty-less behind the entire time. I spent the next 2 weeks on YouTube hoping that no one caught my little dance on tape. Thankfully, they didn't.