English 101 with Dr. Conan T. Barbarian
Tuesday, September 20, 2011 at 1:44PM 
If you go to Trinity College, this is one professor you don't want. Trinity College in Dublin was spoofed last Thursday when an unknown prankster posted an academic profile of its newest English lecturer: a certain Conan T. Barbarian, complete with Hollywood mug shot of a shirtless, sword-clad Arnold Schwarzenegger in his maiden film role.
Trinity removed the parody site — but not before dozens of fans had archived the Web page of the mock biography and turned it into an Irish viral sensation.
Trinity spokeswoman Caoimhe Ni Lochlainn said the university had never had its Web site disrupted like this before. She confirmed that Trinity was certain it was an inside job, not the work of a hacker.
Dr. Barbarian's profile is great. It contains a warrior's feast of references to the arcane plot of the 1982 film, which was critically panned but a box-office hit that launched Schwarzenegger's movie career.
It claims he has been preparing for the rigors of academic life since being "ripped from his mother's womb."
His Ph.D thesis is titled "To Hear the Lamentation of Their Women: Constructions of Masculinity in Contemporary Zamoran Literature," which refers to a line in the classic movie.
The parody faculty listing claims he was appointed to the School of English "after successfully decapitating his predecessor during a bloody battle which will long be remembered in legend and song."
It cites his upcoming courses as including "Vengeance for Beginners" and "Deciphering the Riddle of Steel."
That riddle is central to the film's plot and concerns whether a sword is more powerful than a man. Answer: Nope.
Conan's stated classroom policy is to crucify students who cheat or show weakness. A reminder never to show weakness in an English class.
