Making a Cheesesteak

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Modern Family Quotes From "Leap Day"

It's Cam's birthday on "Leap Day" and Mitchell is under pressure to put on the birthday party.  How masculine is Jay? And Phil is having some problems, what a surprise.

Here are the quotes:

Phil: It's Leap Day, not sleep day!

Claire; The entire family is taking a trapeze class.

Cam: I'm 10!

Mitchell: 40!

Cam: I know party planning isn't your thing.

Cam: You know orange is over, right.

Mitchell: And custom made ruby slippers for Cam.

Phil: Dear God, no.

Phil: It happened, Satan's trifecta.

Phil: You never mention the cycle.

Luke; My God, there's three of them.

Gloria: You should call your country the Neverlands, because you never...

Jay: I prefer a game where something happens.

Gloria: Who needs all that manly protect your woman stuff.

Mitchell: Tornado, I missed the connection.

Mitchell: We named our daughter after a pig?

Cam: The tornado always wins.

Phil: We leave no man behind.

Jay 1-1 tie, one of the goals was an accident.

Gloria: I wanted Jay to kick that little Dutch man's ass at the bar.

Luke: See you on the other side, brother.

Haley: Call 911!

Phil: No they are so busy.

Luke: You are all monsterating!

Phil: From the bottom of my heart, I am so scared....

Mitchell: Everyone follow the birthday flag.

Gloria: Smells like somebody is dead.

Cam: Apparently Mitchell started planning my birthday 2 hours ago.

Jay: That lady is my son.

Captain: Walk away Grandpa!

Gloria: Nobody calls him Grandpa!

Mitchell: Today I realized it might be a little "tornadoey"

Cam: I'm 40!

Mitchell: You graduated from Clown College.

Mitchell: You're still that sexy little eight-year old I fell in love with.

Modern Family Quotes from "Me? Jealous"

Phil has a great business opportunity and Jay and Gloria welcome Cam and Mitchell as temporary houseguests.

Here are the quotes:

Phil: You're my dream.

Haley: Technically, I am a big sister.

Jay: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer.

Cam: Fred and Ginger?

Gloria: Who?

Phil: For sale...sold

Claire: He kissed me on the lips.

Phil: Good sign!

Cam: Kind of like The Help, but Deliliah was white and quite a racist.

Jay: Booker Bell was the greatest DJ in the history of radio.

Jay: I met Boz Scaggs once, got all tongue tied.

Jay: Booker Bell, I'm Boz Scaggs.

Jay: My God, it's like she's here.

Mitchell: Could I talk to Grandma Groovy?

Phil: I just got Sycamore.

Cam: I rearranged your kitchen.

Phil: I don't like the way that kid was looking at you.

Alex; You're the one that tries to read.

Alex: He is kind of our little sister.

Cam: It may help him with that train wreck Danielle.

Phil: You can take her to bed, but you can't make her laugh.

Phil: We're late for getting home.

Claire: Betty Luke, sit down while Daddy gets the camera.

Phil: Good to see you Betty Luke.

Modern Family Quotes from 'The Musical Man'

Cameron takes control of the spring musical at Luke and Manny's school, while Jay's brother pays him and visit, and Phil tries to get the family to be in his new real estate advertisement.

Here are tonight's quotes:

Phil:  Are you the foxy Mom on the New Horizon Realty ad?

Phil:  All that driving around your Mom does will serve a purpose.

Cam:  Why do you have to throw a wet blanket on my dreams?

Manny:  I'm thinking of taking a run at her.

Jay:  My brother's an ass.

Donny:  There has to be an easier way to get a green card.

Cam:  We're twenty minutes long so I'm going to cut the Bollywood number.

Cam:  You know who else missed soccer practice, the cast of 'Rent"

Claire:  He's not just selling houses, he's selling us.

Jay:  That's why Colombia is such a peaceful utopia.

Haley:  I knew this car ride was a trap.

Claire:  Boys think you are cute, that doesn't last forever.

Phil:  Sweet Lorna Doone.

Phil:  I think the carpet matches the drapes, I haven't checked in a while.

Cam:  Powerful stuff!

Cam: it's not the Sistine Chapel, Ruben.

Manny:  Ruben hasn't had a bowel movement in a week.  That's how Elvis died.

Cam:  I had no idea I was surrounded by a bunch of quitters.

Cam:  Too bad people, we're doing it my way.

Phil: Keep looking forward!

Cam:  It has a certain flair.

Cam:  Just go with it.

Jay:  Don't hit him, he has cancer.

Jay:  I can't hear no more!

Cam: Joan of Ark is going to be ok.

Cam:  Not you sweetie, you just mouth the words.

Cam:  Lower the insignia.

Phil:  More of an escort, actually.

Haley:  I'll go home with anyone.

Alex:  That's what your sign should say.

Alex:  I think they're call "johns"

Claire:  Thanks to all the perverts in town, I still have some good years ahead of me.

Mitchell:  Luke, we're trying to have a moment here.

Non speaking:  We love the F-word

                          I can't be satisfied

Amazing Race 18: Unfinished Business Debuts Tonight

Teams from past seasons return tonight for the 18th installment of The Amazing Race.

This show tests the teams smarts, brawn and ability to get along and is captured in stunning video that will be broadcast for the first time in HD.

This time the show enlists losers from season's past for a second chance at the show's $1 million prize money.

Many fan favorites are back including "cowboys" Jet and Cord McCoy (season 16), sisters LaKisha and Jennifer Hoffman (season 14), Gary Ervin and his daughter Mallory, Miss Kentucky and Miss America runner-up (season 17); erstwhile NFL cheerleaders Jaime Edmondson and Cara Rosenthal (season 14); "goth couple" Kent Kaliber and Vyxsin Fiala (season 12); Margie Adams and her son Luke, who is hearing impaired; and Harlem Globetrotters Nate "Big Easy" Lofton and Herb "Flight Time" Lang (season 12).

The race will last several weeks and take the teams once again around the world.