Modern Family Quotes From "Leap Day"

It's Cam's birthday on "Leap Day" and Mitchell is under pressure to put on the birthday party.  How masculine is Jay? And Phil is having some problems, what a surprise.

Here are the quotes:

Phil: It's Leap Day, not sleep day!

Claire; The entire family is taking a trapeze class.

Cam: I'm 10!

Mitchell: 40!

Cam: I know party planning isn't your thing.

Cam: You know orange is over, right.

Mitchell: And custom made ruby slippers for Cam.

Phil: Dear God, no.

Phil: It happened, Satan's trifecta.

Phil: You never mention the cycle.

Luke; My God, there's three of them.

Gloria: You should call your country the Neverlands, because you never...

Jay: I prefer a game where something happens.

Gloria: Who needs all that manly protect your woman stuff.

Mitchell: Tornado, I missed the connection.

Mitchell: We named our daughter after a pig?

Cam: The tornado always wins.

Phil: We leave no man behind.

Jay 1-1 tie, one of the goals was an accident.

Gloria: I wanted Jay to kick that little Dutch man's ass at the bar.

Luke: See you on the other side, brother.

Haley: Call 911!

Phil: No they are so busy.

Luke: You are all monsterating!

Phil: From the bottom of my heart, I am so scared....

Mitchell: Everyone follow the birthday flag.

Gloria: Smells like somebody is dead.

Cam: Apparently Mitchell started planning my birthday 2 hours ago.

Jay: That lady is my son.

Captain: Walk away Grandpa!

Gloria: Nobody calls him Grandpa!

Mitchell: Today I realized it might be a little "tornadoey"

Cam: I'm 40!

Mitchell: You graduated from Clown College.

Mitchell: You're still that sexy little eight-year old I fell in love with.

Modern Family Quotes from "Aunt Mommy"

Phil closes a big deal, so they head out to a celebratory dinner where they proceed to over-indulge in drinks, which leads to some over-sharing, and finally results in waking up the next morning hung over and begging the question – if you’ll do anything for family, shouldn’t there still be a line drawn somewhere?

Here are the quotes:

Haley: She has super good hearing like a seeing eye dog.

Mitchell: It's about Steven and Stefan.

Phil: What was Elton John's sexual orientation in the 70's.

Girls: Bi!

Haley: Who fills a vase with marbles?

Gloria: He said he was taking his morning constitutional.

Jay: I cannot stress to you how much this kid needs football.

Manny: Jay, could you steep my tea?

Phil: Commission impossible.

Steven and Stefan: We are not losing this house to Luke and Leon.

Phil: Commission accomplished.

Cam: What wonderful parents you are!

Mitchell: Maybe we should think about this swirl.

Gloria: Run Manny, Run!

Claire: These kids are going to survive.

Gloria: You made Manny play the American football.  he got stampeded.

Gloria: You are skating on thin egg shells right now.

Mitchell: That game exists, it's called alcoholism.

Mitchell: The baby is clearly Mexican.

Phil: I vaguely remember someone crying.

Claire: I make really good babies.

Phil: I think we are all having a baby.

Phil: Sweet potato fries.

Phil: What are the chances your eggs even work.

Cam: This is what my baby with Claire would look like.

Cam: This is me and Justin Timberlake.

Mitchell: Say hi to your "Aunt Mommy"

Manny: The manual specially says no towing.

Alex: You and Uncle Cam are having a baby,

Luke: Why, because Lily is such a mess.

Cam: Maybe we are pioneers.

Mitchell: We are not pioneers, you have three different hair dryers for different types of weather.

Jay: Cam and Claire want to have a baby together,

Gloria: It's a freak show, but it;s their freak show.

Jay: Now we have to inbreed?

Alex: I always wanted a half-cousin, half-brother.

Gloria: We put the gum at the bottom of your walking stick.

Mitchell: We played God, look what we brought forth.

Modern Family Quotes from "Me? Jealous"

Phil has a great business opportunity and Jay and Gloria welcome Cam and Mitchell as temporary houseguests.

Here are the quotes:

Phil: You're my dream.

Haley: Technically, I am a big sister.

Jay: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer.

Cam: Fred and Ginger?

Gloria: Who?

Phil: For sale...sold

Claire: He kissed me on the lips.

Phil: Good sign!

Cam: Kind of like The Help, but Deliliah was white and quite a racist.

Jay: Booker Bell was the greatest DJ in the history of radio.

Jay: I met Boz Scaggs once, got all tongue tied.

Jay: Booker Bell, I'm Boz Scaggs.

Jay: My God, it's like she's here.

Mitchell: Could I talk to Grandma Groovy?

Phil: I just got Sycamore.

Cam: I rearranged your kitchen.

Phil: I don't like the way that kid was looking at you.

Alex; You're the one that tries to read.

Alex: He is kind of our little sister.

Cam: It may help him with that train wreck Danielle.

Phil: You can take her to bed, but you can't make her laugh.

Phil: We're late for getting home.

Claire: Betty Luke, sit down while Daddy gets the camera.

Phil: Good to see you Betty Luke.

Modern Family Quotes From "Little Bo Bleep"

Claire has a televised debate as she tries to win a city council seat.  Lily is going to be a flower girl and she also learns a bad word, and Jay blames Gloria for the dog's behavior.

Here are the quotes.

Phil: Some voters find Claire angry and unlikeable!

Claire: How many people read the Weekly Saver?

Phil: Spooky but better.

Cam: I was a three-time ring bearer.

Cam: Or Little Bo Cheap?

Jay: Why don't you greet me at the door wagging your tail?

Manny: I got caught up in my couponing.

Gloria: Why does she bark at the vacuum?

Claire: I thought the moderator was supposed to be objective.

Luke: I'm bored.  i feel like I'm in school.

Luke: You have to be ready for hecklers.

Haley: You were showing me the bad side of your face.

Phil: She's ready.

Cam: I have two weaknesses; children swearing and old people rapping.

Mitchell: I have two children.

Haley: Mom, don't go viral.

Gloria: We are going to cheer for you, no matter what you say.

Jay: She might be suicidal.

Gloria: She's just stupid.

Duane: I like to call them bottomless pits of need.

Jay: This man won a Pugly.

Mitchell: We leave town on Gay Pride Weekend because we don't like the traffic.

Phil: She's in the zone.

Duane: Your husband was questioned at a hotel for lewd and lascivious behavior.

Cam: This is my new favorite show.

Duane: I have some talking puggles I'd like to sell you.

Voter: Are you sex freaks?

Jay: It's like watching the Hindenburg.

Phil: I'm Phil Dunphy and I'm not a pervert.

Phil: No charges were filed.

Claire: We went viral.

Gloria: No Jay, I wanted to take a little swim before going to the wedding.

Manny: It was phenomenal television.

Luke: She looks like a Lite Brite.

Cam: Ships at sea wouldn't miss Lily.

Cam: You know I cry at weddings.

Gloria: She was trying to get to the squeaky weiner.

Modern Family Quotes from "Egg Drop"

Luke and Manny have a huge school project to design the best capsule that would protect an egg in a two-story drop, but when Claire and Jay catch wind of it, their own competitive drives kick in… and eventually take over. Meanwhile, Phil solicits the help of Haley and Gloria to sit as plants in the audience during a huge real estate presentation he has put together, and Mitch and Cam meet with prospective birth mothers.

Here are the quotes:

Phil: I want people to leave excited.

Haley: Oh, I think people will be excited to leave.

Alex: That design is my intellectual property.

Luke: What if I'm the container?

Manny: Aren't we all just fragile eggs?

Manny: There was life in those eyes, it was haunting.

Mitchell: Claire is the son my dad never had.

Jay: She's knee-deep in Luke's egg drop project.

Mitchell: We're meeting with perspective birth mothers.

Mitchell: You didn't need help carrying six scones.

Cam: You and me can't make a baby.

Phil: I need you to do a sound check for me.

Mitchell: We promised we would show her son all 52 states.

Cam: We're saving from a life searching for East Dakota.

Jay: I had to get in Claire's head.  

Mitchell: We're a little rusty.

Cam: I really am a clown.

Mitchell and Cam:  Don't go breaking my heart!

Gloria: That was not here!

Phil: A salesman's salesman!  A realtor's realtor!

Gloria: They are not stopping because I'm Latina.

Haley: Or that wasn't a cab.

Phil: I guess nobody needs a mouse pad.

Claire: I made the eggs that made you.

Cam: I wouldn't be a celbration without cider.

Cam: I can sing.

Gloria: All you do is put me on a pedestal.

Jay: We're going up another level.

Alex: They had as much to do with this project as the Manhattan Project.

Jay: You came out of the womb like that.

Alex: You're all just playing for second.

Haley: My feet look fat from this angle.