Modern Family Quotes from "Egg Drop"

Luke and Manny have a huge school project to design the best capsule that would protect an egg in a two-story drop, but when Claire and Jay catch wind of it, their own competitive drives kick in… and eventually take over. Meanwhile, Phil solicits the help of Haley and Gloria to sit as plants in the audience during a huge real estate presentation he has put together, and Mitch and Cam meet with prospective birth mothers.

Here are the quotes:

Phil: I want people to leave excited.

Haley: Oh, I think people will be excited to leave.

Alex: That design is my intellectual property.

Luke: What if I'm the container?

Manny: Aren't we all just fragile eggs?

Manny: There was life in those eyes, it was haunting.

Mitchell: Claire is the son my dad never had.

Jay: She's knee-deep in Luke's egg drop project.

Mitchell: We're meeting with perspective birth mothers.

Mitchell: You didn't need help carrying six scones.

Cam: You and me can't make a baby.

Phil: I need you to do a sound check for me.

Mitchell: We promised we would show her son all 52 states.

Cam: We're saving from a life searching for East Dakota.

Jay: I had to get in Claire's head.  

Mitchell: We're a little rusty.

Cam: I really am a clown.

Mitchell and Cam:  Don't go breaking my heart!

Gloria: That was not here!

Phil: A salesman's salesman!  A realtor's realtor!

Gloria: They are not stopping because I'm Latina.

Haley: Or that wasn't a cab.

Phil: I guess nobody needs a mouse pad.

Claire: I made the eggs that made you.

Cam: I wouldn't be a celbration without cider.

Cam: I can sing.

Gloria: All you do is put me on a pedestal.

Jay: We're going up another level.

Alex: They had as much to do with this project as the Manhattan Project.

Jay: You came out of the womb like that.

Alex: You're all just playing for second.

Haley: My feet look fat from this angle.

Modern Family Quotes from "Punkin Chunkin"

It's Thanksgiving on Modern Family and the family members ask "what if?"

Phil wonders whether he would have been a better person, father and husband, if he had applied himself more. Jay (Ed O'Neill) decides Manny (Rico Rodriguez) could use a little more constructive criticism, if only to toughen him up and improve his chances when he becomes a man. And Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) takes it personally after a well-meaning Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) questions the veracity of some of his more fanciful childhood stories.

It all comes to a head at Thanksgiving with the family divided between the “Dreamers” and the “Pritchetts."

Here are the quotes.

Phil: At least buy me dinner first!

Phil: He was the sweet kid who lived next door.

Phil: Why hug when you can man shake.

Cam: I think I have to tell my Punkin Chunkin Story.

Cam: The pumpkin sails through the air, goal post to goal post.

Manny: My juices were really flowing on this one.

Jay: Centerpieces for starters.

Jay: This thing is a horn of ugly.

Haley: Ease up it's a holiday.

Kenneth: I'm in town to buy a blimp.

Kenneth: What would Phil Dunphy do?

Phil: He's me and he's spectacular.

Haley: Saying nothing isn't lying.

Mitchell: It was a supportive Wah Wah

Cam: Rain or shine, there's always a bumper crop of stories.

Phil: I bet this is how the French do Thanksgiving.

Luke: Why aren't we the jillionaires?

Manny: I think this might be a job for cumin.

Claire: Do you know what is illegal in Europe? Nothing!

Phil: Sometimes I need to be pumped up and frilly.

Phil: You're folding my dreams!

Phil: I love your "I Love You", getting sick of your but.

Manny: You hit those potholes pretty hard.

Jay: I saw them.

Jay: It's great and it's grrrrrrrrrrreeeeaaat

Manny: He said it was a swing and a miss.

Phil: The real Head Scratcher TM

Phil: It's like a 1,000 tiny angels are line dancing on my scalp.

Phil: Let's settle this, Dreamers vs. Pritchetts.

Jay: I'm just trying to get the kid ready for life.

Gloria: We only hvae one pumpkin and we just chunked it.

Manny: Maybe if this works, we should launch my centerpeice next.

Claire: Three more seconds and you would've got away with it.

Modern Family Quotes from "Treehouse"

Gloria insists on a night of salsa dancing with Jay; Cameron goes too far when Mitchell and a friend challenge him to get a hot woman's number and can Phil build a tree house?

Here are the quotes:

Phil:  I'm building Luke a tree house.

Phil: Those geese would've followed me to the wetlands.

Gloria: Jay hates the rainbows.

Gloria: Jay also hates running.

Cam: The waitress is floating with me.

Cam: I met Julia Roberts once at an AIDS walk.

Shorty: Hear that Jay, I never stop!

Cam: It's ironic, like the Gift of the Vagi.

Cam: Wham bam, thank you Cam!

Phil:  America was built with nails.

Phil: Racoons will get territorial and will attack.

Haley: Dear college, cheese makes me gassy, see you in September.

Haley: Gabby's mom is a hoarder.  That essay will pretty much write itself.

Mitchell: She had the world's worst Gaydar!

Cam: People at the time said I could go Gerber.

Cam: I want you to have a seat on the Chaise lounge.

Manny: The forbidden dance only makes me want it more.

Gloria: Who doesn't like the coconut?

Mitchell: How did it go, heartbreaker?

Cam: Help me ungay the place!

Manny: You're dancing, not invading Poland.

Mitchell: A gay man who hates dancing lives in a lonely little world.

Phil: Maybe I need a nail gun.

Luke: I think a nail is going to be harder to get out of my hair.

Cam: How fun is that handbag?

Cam: I'm fairly gay.  I'm gay.

Katie: Your theatrical hand gestures.

Cam:  You're the whole package, I just prefer somebody who has one.

Cam: I need a drink a doodle doo.

Claire: Use spell check!

Mitchell: The drug I gave him, baby aspirin.

Claire: He's a bad ass black man who gives me instant street cred.

Modern Family Quotes from "Go Bullfrogs!"

While Phil takes Haley to look at a college, his alma mater, Claire, Cam and Mitchell go out on the town.  And will Jay and Gloria have "the talk" with Manny?

Here are the quotes:

Phil: College!

Claire: Go Bullfrogs!

Phil: You mean Bulldogs... do we croak or bark?

Manny: Bella has recently blossomed.

Gloria: Fuego y Hielo:  Fire and Ice.

Claire: I need a fun night out!

Claire; I need music, dancing and second-hand smoke.

Claire:  If that was your gay card it would be revoked.

Cam:  Does that mean no pot pies?

Phil: You aren't the first girl to leave me at this table with a plate full of chicken wings.

Claire: Nose job....

Claire: What do they do with all the butt they take out?

Mitchell:  I don't know about you, but I have about five minutes of fabulous left.

Gloria:  When did hats came back anyway?

Jay: Renaldo!

Phil: I chilled in a bar with some undergrads.

Longines: He's my trainer and he's straight.

Claire: Holy pythons, Batman!

Claire: And one upstate with Daddy.  The fun is just beginning.

Cam: Our pot pies could be anywhere by now.

Cam: Oh look, they went to see Jay-Z.

Cam: Maybe do some luxury camping.

Mitchell: We are in a rut!

Phil: It's a little cliche to pick out someone who looks exactly like your Dad.

Phil: You were an excellent back up shortstop.

Gloria: Jay, I beg of you, go, go go!

Manny: You think it's the coffee?

Jay: You get taller, when you get taller.

Jay: You see that. pretty soon that's how strong you'll be.

Julian : I'm not gay, I'm French!

Haley: That sweatshirt embarrasses me a little.

Haley: So, is it really fun!

Manny: Why what did you think I was doing?

Jay: He could've got a 2-year subscription to Playboy for that.

Cam: That night we ate like kings.

Shots of the Dunphy's Van from 'Modern Family'

Real Estate agent Phil Dunphy is on the cutting edge, or so he thinks.

Last night, he decided to get the family van wrapped with an advertisement for his real estate business.

Let's say it attracted a lot of attention.