The Big Bang Theory Quotes From 'The Infestation Hypothesis'

A fight between Penny and Sheldon has Amy Farrah Fowler caught in the middle and Raj and Wolowitz kiss.

Here are the quotes:

Sheldon: A Dinfast date.

Sheldon: A fellow in Kansas with an enormous ball of twine.

Sheldon: When I rise to power those people will be sterilized.

Sheldon: If we were an old married couple the wife would be serving iced tea and snickerdoodles.

Sheldon: it's a chair worthy of the name.

Raj: This is one good looking panini.

Howard: Does that include doing the cyber nasty?

Howard; The digital pickle tickle?

Raj: A fancy guy with a turban that grew up with Kama Sutra coloring books.

Leonard: Chicken nuggets you were sure they were human nuggets

Penny: My couch, I found half a hot pocket in there.

Leonard: It's like living with a Chihuahua.

Sheldon: So they may remove the chair of death.

Leonard: You're a dirty, disgusting, revolting girl!

Priya: Here I am baby, you miss these?

Sheldon: I'm trying to stream a movie on Netflix in here.

Amy: Besties, BFF's sisters who would share traveling pants.

Sheldon: You mean like Salt Lake City

Howard: See, internet kissing.

Raj: I was being playful.

Amy: Something in the chair is biting my tushy

Raj: What kind of an idiot throws out a terrific chair like this?

The Big Bang Theory Quotes From 'The Skank Reflex Analysis'

A new season of The Big Bang Theory.  The gang deals with the aftermath of the shocking sexual hookup that ended season four.  What will they do?  Also, Sheldon takes control of the guy's paintball team.
Here are the quotes:

Sheldon: It''s not what it looks like.

Sheldon: I can't, so I shant!

Sheldon: The worms crawl out of the rectum for air.

Sheldon: Penny could've been inspecting Raj's anal region for parasites.

Raj: I'm Penny's #2 choice after Bernadette

Sheldon:  I've decided my rank should be captain.

Leonard: Oh Bernadette, please play my clarinet.

Sheldon: By the way, I do have genitals.

Amy: I've heard who you did.

Penny: Dr. Jeckyl and Mrs. Whore

Amy: She engaged in interspecies hanky panky, but people still call her great.

Amy: The Skank Reflex!

Leonard's Mom: Buck up!

Leonard's Mom: Buck up sissy pants!

Penny: I got a call back for hemorrhoid commercial

Amy: Try to keep it in your pants, ok.

Raj: Hall & Oates, Katrina and the Waves and three-fifths of Kajagoogoo

Penny: Oh God, did you pull some weird Indian crap on me.

Raj: I'm always packing.

Raj: Can I say I ruined you for white men?

Sheldon: Whenever you are ready AT&T!

Raj: Screw you, that was a beautifully written penis metaphor.

Sheldon: Jamba Juice is for heroes

Sheldon: Following in the footsteps of Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo.

Sheldon: if there's ever a church of Sheldon, this is where it started.

Sheldon: With my last breathe, I awarded myself a battlefield promotion.

Penny: What ya doing, Quick Draw?

Sheldon: Have you ever thought of teaching physics?

Commercial: The H is for her.

Big Bang Theory Quotes from "The Zarnecki Incursion"

I should've posted this back when the episode first aired earlier this spring.  But, better late than never as this is the BBT episode airing tonight.

Can't wait a new season is right around the corner.

Here are the quotes:

Sheldon:  They stole everything Leonard!

Sheldon:  And all my gold!

Sheldon:  Like a carcass in the desert sun.  Plus the FBI hung up on me.

Sheldon:  Glenn, the only bird I've ever loved.

Leonard:  Not the kind with access to drugs.

Sheldon:  How are you allowed to carry a gun.

Sheldon:  Can you refer me to a rogue ex-cop?

Sheldon:  What kind of world do we live in where another man would steal a battle ostrich.

Sheldon:  See if Raj is done with Pilates.

Raj:  He appears to be a member of the Nigerian Royal Family.

Sheldon:  Doodle Jump is a game, Angry Birds is a game.

Raj:  Bad news, the Nigerian Prince may be a fraud.

Penny:  Leonard was so phobic about stepping on medical waste I had to carry him to the ocean.

Amy:  I'm drunk

Penny:  Oh boy, my breast friends.

Penny:  No, but I can name all the Kardashians.

Bernadette:  I don't have a need to fling my waste.

Howard:  Our troll just walked in!

Raj:  He could lose his HBO and all their delightful original programming.

Priya:  It's nice to date a boy trapped in a man's body.

Bernadette:  Count your blessings you're not a Tanzanian chimp.

Sheldon:  I never said these words before but good work Howard.

Sheldon:  The name and address drip with evil.

Sheldon:  It's in a cul-du-sac, we can box him in.

Sheldon:  Fine, we'll abide by the Geneva convention.

Sheldon:  Tonight we take back our dignity.

Raj:  i have a hip hop aerobics class at 5.  Can we go after?

Raj:  C'mon on man  Bros before....my sister.

Howard:  She's kind of a "Wheel" savant.

Raj:  Sitar music for a ring tone is not cool.

Howard: It's her super-power, that and jiggling her arm fat.

Sheldon:  Shamu is literally tons of fun.

Raj:  Legoland is more interactive.

Sheldon:  This say Beyonce bootylischious dance mix.

Raj:  She's curvy and she owns it, I like that.

Leonard:  Next time we go to kick someone's ass, we take the train.

Sheldon:  No weapon strikes more fear than a Klingon Bat leth.

Sheldon:  I'm Sheldor of Azaroth.

Raj:  Legoland seems like a hollow dream now.

Sheldon:  Todd Zarnecki was mean.

Penny:  I'm going to show you how we finish a quest in Nebraska.

Penny:  Today's the day a girl is finally going to touch you in your special place.

The Big Bang Theory Quotes from “The Prestidigitation Approximation”

Does Leonard really have to choose between Penny and Priya? And Howard proves he is quite a magician.

Leonard:  The Kama Sutra.  Was that fun for you, or racially insensitive?

Sheldon:  Is working on magic tricks really how you want to spend your time?

Sheldon:  is it any wonder he doesn't have a doctorate?

Howard:  Ever notice when he thinks real hard it smells like bacon?

Sheldon:  All magic tricks are a combination of distraction and manipulation. 

Sheldon:  Let me see those cards!

Howard:  So you finally getting used to them doing it on a daily basis?

Leonard:  Why would you take me out shopping, then break up with me?

Leonard:  I gave up the gift of sight for you.

Howard:  I have some remedial magic tricks that might be more your speed.

Sheldon:  I need you to pick a card.  Pick a card, put it back and prepare to be amazed.  Is that your card?

Sheldon:  I'm reverse engineering Wolowitz's magic trick.

Sheldon:  Your testicles look a tad warm.

Sheldon:  Relax, we're not under attack right now.

Sheldon:  Where am I going to find Uranium 235 this time of the night?  Come on Craigslist.

Penny:  Look at Leonard in his fancy-ass grown up clothes.

Priya:  That's our Lenny.

Leonard:  It is pretty spicy.

Raj: Beefaroni and a show how do you turn that down.

Sheldon:  The beep is none of your business.

Raj:  These cards have barcodes on them.

Sheldon:  I said ta-da, the show is over.

Leonard:  I can hear the toilet flush in your apartment.

Leonard:  I actually felt silly saying "on the down low."


Raj:  Why so glum chum?

Sheldon:  Apparently you can't buy Uranium 235 with out the Department of Homeland Security contacting your Mother.

The Big Bang Theory Quotes From "The Toast Derivation"

Sheldon finds some new friends and Amy and Bernadette try to cheer Penny up.

Sheldon:  Un Momento, now you're being deliberately stupid.

Sheldon: He sounds suspiciously like Jackie Chan.

Sheldon:  Five people eating and talking is a party.

Sheldon:  I'll go to your haggis party.

Sheldon:  Was it about me, or the dead pixels?

Wolowitz:  Watching Hofstadter suck the saliva out of your sister's mouth?

Sheldon:  Dinner, some assembly required!

Sheldon: Windbreaker for my cape.

Penny:  I was getting your stupid umbrella, but ok.

Sheldon: It was like the last days of Caligula.

Amy Farrah Fowler:  From this angle I can see up your nose.

Sheldon:  I'm the whimsical elf everyone looks to for a good time.

Amy Farrah Fowler:  Leonardstan.

Penny:  If you were a band you would be called Leonard and the Leonards.

Leonard: Levar Burton is coming here?

Sheldon:  Possibly, I tweeted him.

Sheldon:  Well, it would appear Levar Burton won't be joining us.

Barry:  When is the waffle?

Amy Farrah Fowler: Yo, P-Dog!

Zack:  There's nobody around so naturally I'm freeballin' it.

Barry: Go ahead Zack, drunk girl, freballin'...

Zack: So long story short I nailed here.

Zack: I shouted Holy Moly!

Priya: Sheldon's a bit quirky.

Wolowitz:  Sheldon got punched by Bill Gates.

Bernadette:  I would take that deal all day long.

Amy Farrah Fowler: Do you have an electric toothbrush?

Penny:  Let's go find me a hiney to bite.

Stewart:  Did they do Walking on Sunshine yet?

Leonard:  He tried to declare our apartment a sovereign nation.  I still have some of the currency.

Sheldon:  Your girlfriend is a little short tempered.

Sheldon:  This is good, whatever it is.

Guys:  I'm Walking on Sunshine...