Modern Family Quotes from "Phil on Wire"

Jay's relationship with the family dog, Stella.  Phil is a tightrope expert and Cameron is on a juice fast.

Here are the quotes:

Mitchell:  I'm pretty sure we're not allowed to have a meth lab.

Cam:  I'm going on a juice fast.

Mitchell: Us vs. food!

Phil:  Maybe I could persue my dream of walking on a tightrope.

Luke: There was a lot of chocolate in that bag.

Alex: You're a senior, what are you still doing in second year math!

Mitchell: Cam has gone all girl interrupted

Cam: Spaniards make amazing athletes.

Alex; She said 8 was a prime number.

Claire: You could've been two Super Dunphy's!

Phil: Tightrope shoes, got them at an estate sale.

Gloria: Cam, I don't have all day to describe my meals to you.

Gloria: Eat his shoe!

Claire: I've got news for you, Law and Order: Special Parking Unit!

Claire: You could've elevated the Dunphy name.

Mitchell: I don't have the strength to deal with a big, needy brisket case, I mean basket.

Mitchell: You know who else needed air? Snorkels!

Haley: Everything I touch turns to detention.

Phil: If I can do this, I have two ways of getting across my yard.

Cam: They almost taste like patee.

Dancing With the Stars Week 2 Results: Elisabetta is Eliminated

It was quite a show last night.  We had highlights, lowlights, and one of Nancy Grace's headlights making an appearance.

Tonight, we have some musical guests, more pro dance routines and one team will be sent home.

The men kicked off the evening and Tom Bergeron said that they are indeed available for bachlorette parties.

On to the eliminations.  David Arquette and Carson are the first two pulled out.  The first couple saved is Carson and Anna.  David and Kym are in jeopardy.

We get to see and encore dance tonight, and of course it is Ricki and Derek's jive.

Next we get a little tour of the DWTS training studio.  

Then the first of the musical guest, The Script.  The Script happens to be one of the only current bands I would actually buy or download a CD of.  Dimitry and Chelsie Hightower were the dancers.

More eliminations.  Next on the floor are Kristin, J.R., and Ricki.  The couples that are safe are Ricki and Derek, of course, Kristin and Mark are also coming back.  No surprise here, J.R. and Karina are also coming back.  

At the half-way point of the show they debut this season's Macy's Stars of Dance.  A big production with tons of dancers and props. 

The next three couples waiting for their results are Rob Kardashian, Nancy Grace, and Chaz.

Combining the judge's scores with the votes means Rob and Cheryl are safe.  Chaz and Lacey are in jeopardy, and Nancy and Tristian are safe.  

Six couples are now safe.

Returning to the ballroom with new single is Demi Lovato.  

Three couples still to learn their fate.  Hope and Maks.  Elisabetta and Val and Chynna and Tony.  Coming back next week are Chyna and Tony.  Hope and Maks are also coming back.  Elisabetta and Val are pulled into jeopardy.

One couple wil be brought to safety.  That would be Chaz and Lacey.  Also safe this week, David and Kym.  Elisabetta is eliminated. 

Dancing With the Stars Week 2: An Ewok Dancing With Princess Leia

Ron Artest was the casualty from the first week elimination on Dancing With the Stars, now the remaining stars are hoping to show improvement in week two.

Impressing the first week were Ricki Lake, J.R. Martinez and believe it or not, Chaz Bono.  

This week the couples attempt the jive or the quickstep.  Lets see who improves.

Leading off tonight are soccer player Hope Solo and Maks.  Hope showed a lot of potential last week and Maks loves that.  He has a great partner to work with this season and he'll take advantage of that.  They get the jive and it's a high energy jive that has them both working hard.  The judges liked the level of difficulty and her foot speed.  She now needs to work on her precision.  She gets a 19 for her jive.

Next up is Kristin Cavallari and Mark Ballas.  Mark really wants her to perform this week.  She wants to use some more of her performance skills.  really how many performance skills do you have to possess to be on a reality show?  They do a nice quickstep with a lot of energy.  Bruno called Kristin a "Blonde Bombshell" and he liked it.  Carrie Ann loved it, but Len picked it apart.  Kristin gets a 22.

Now on the floor, David Arquette and Kym Johnson.  If David can get over his nerves and relax a little he should be able to deliver a good jive.  They look like they are had fun and danced well together.  Carrie Ann liked the enthusiasm, even calling it "Carsonesque."  David gets an 18.

Next up is Elisabetta Canalis and Val.  Elisabetta really needs to pick up the pace this week.  They had some difficult rehearsals but pushed on through.  They get a quickstep.  She looks good, and it was better than last week.  The judges thought it was a much better effort.  She gets a 21.  

Rob Kardashian and Cheryl Burke are next.  Rob showed some skills last week, but I have a feeling he was one of the bottom teams.  He says he is over his nerves this week as he tries the jive.  They get a Beach Boy's tune and Rob seemed more comfortable.  The judges liked the improvement.  He gets a 21.

Buckle up here comes Carson and Anna.  Carson gets the quickstep this week and even he doesn't know what to expect.  He's sure light on his feet and dramatic with his kicks.  Still, it was a more normal routine.  Carson gets a 18.

Ricki Lake and Derek Hough are next.  I liked Ricki's routine last week, but how will she handle the jive?  Derrick has faith in Ricki, but does she have faith in herself?  A lot of action and some tough choreography gets the pair a 23.

Here we go with Chaz and Lacey.  Chaz's body is starting to break down.  They simplified the quickstep so Chaz could get through it.  Not much movement from Chaz, Lacey did most of the work.  Bruno said it was like an "Ewok dancing with Princess Leia."  It needed to be quicker.  Chaz gets a 17.

Chynna Phillips and Tony are on next.  She was great last week, can she do it again?  She is feeling the pressure getting ready for the jive.  She was moving the whole jive, but the Carrie Ann thought she played it a little safe.  Chynna gets a 21.

Second-last to go is Nancy Grace.  She is looking to improve from last week with her partner Tristian.  She gets the quickstep this week and it's been a rough week of practice.  I can say it was better than last week, but it wasn't that quick.  Len thought it was a proper quickstep.  Nancy gets a 21 out of 30.

Last up is the crowd favorite, J.R. Martinez.  He earned a lot of fans last week with his story and performance.  I liked it, lots of flips, kicks and good footwork.  Carrie Ann spotted one lift and Len didn't think it was a proper jive.  They get a 22.

Results show tomorrow night.

Modern Family Quotes From 'Dude Ranch: When Good Kids Go Bad'

The season premiere of Modern Family finds the gang heading to Jackson Hole, Wyoming for some vacation time together.

What could possibly go wrong?

Here are the quotes:

Phil: I reckon we'll be landing soon

Gloria: I'm like that horse whisperer

Claire:  Where's a cliff when you need one?

Manny: Do we book spa treatments through you?

Jay: Shootin', ropin' pancake eatin'.

Cam: Trey macho!

Mitchell: I want to be able to teach my son all the things my father taught Claire.

Luke: I need to find the perfect thing to blow up.

Gloria: Is this like a lobster, do I get to pick one for dinner?

Michell: I was afraid that cow over there might bite me.

Dylan: You want me to go home?

Cam: Next time I'll catch it and hand it to you.

Claire: Not now, not then, not ever!

Mitchell: You know what happens in real life when someone gets hit in the head with a ladder?

Manny: He left his luggage.

Alex: Not a Mario Brother....

Guide: Me and Cactus Flower will ride up to Destiny Ridge.

Luke: Can you keep a secret?

Mitchell:  I kept a pretty big one for 22-years.

Luke: After this we're going to have some Angry Birds!

Mitchell: Cam, I did a boy thing!  I blew up a birdhouse.

Dylan: You're a high school student and I'm a ranch hand.

Phil:  I'll only be checking "somewhat satisfied" on our comment card.  He's good with the kids.

Phil: Just like the horny cowboy said we would.

Part II

Phil:  Honey, did you pull from the bottom again?

Cam: We decided to go a little more low-key this time.

Cam: Bye see you soon, or never!

Lily: We bought matching hats.

Gloria: I didn't mean anything about the neck tie, just trying to make a point.

Gloria: What's with the looks, it's like a silent movie in here.

Gloria: Now he's the jewelry thief.

Gloria: What was he thinking, it's not even real gold.

Mitchell: My French braiding is sloppy.

Manny: I am a first time offender.

Gloria: This is you Ha-Ha moment.

Mitchell: We really need to get Cam's coddling problem under control.

Gloria: Drive before he rethinks the pants.

Cam: She looks like she wa dipped in glue and dragged through a flea market.

Luke: Grandpa said you used to live in a closet.

Gloria: You'd be surprised what people can live with, Jay.

Claire: I was right, suck it!

Mitchell: Cam wears her like a fanny pack.

Mitchell: How long was I in that dryer.  Maybe that's why I'm afraid of tumbling.

Jay: We clink when we say we clink!

Luke: Something sleeps over there.

Dancing With the Stars Week 1 Results - Artest Fouls Out!

There was nothing boring about what took place in the new Dancing With the Stars' ballroom last night.

We got to see some good, some bad, and the show producers made sure they saved the ugly for the end.  That happened to be the controversial Chaz Bono, who didn't dance all that bad.

It appears that NBA-player Ron Artest, who was only able to garner 14 points last night may be the first to go.  
Here comes the results show...

After the opening dance number choreographed by Lacey Schwimmer we get down to business.  

Millions voted via phone and on ABC.com last night.  The first three contestants up are Ricki, Elisabetta, and Rob.  Ricki Lake and Derrick Hough are safe.  Elisabetta and Val are also safe.  Rob Kardashian and Cheryl Burke are put into jeopardy. 

Kind of a surprise, but Rob was in danger with his low scores.  Elisabetta and Ricki and very happy to move on.

Next up was a new song by Harry Connick Jr.  It's for the new movie, "Dolphin Tale."  Harry also has a new show opening on Broadway in December.  Should be good.

Here we go with more eliminations.  Hope Solo, Kristin Cavallari, and Ron Artest are front and center.  The next coupe safe is Hope and Maks.  Ron and Peta are put in jeopardy and Kristin and Mark Ballas are safe.

Following this we got to meet this season's dance troupe.  Three new members and some returning dancers. 

LMFAO was the next musical guest.  Peta, Cheryl, Maks and Val did the dance number with LMFAO.  Mark and Lacey then joined then with some more high energy steps.  Why does that guy in LMFAO have a box on his head?

Next on the block are J.R., Chynna, of course Chaz.  Chynna and Tony are safe.  J.R. and Karina are also safe, as a bonus, Chaz and Lacey are also safe.

The final 3 to find out their fate are Nancy, David and Carson.  The next couple safe is David and Kym.  Nancy and Tristan are in jeopardy, that means Carson and Anna are safe.

It all comes down to Rob, Ron Artest (Metta), or Nancy Grace going home.  Who will it be?

After Rob and Cheryl are brought to safety, it comes down to two.

The first couple eliminated is... Ron (Metta) and Peta.  More dancing next week!