11/11/10 'Big Bang Theory" Quotes from The 21-Second Excitation

Wil Wheaton returns tonight as the guys wait in line for a special screening of "Raiders of the Lost Ark."

Plus, Penny has Amy and Bernadette over for a "girls only night."

Here are tonight's quotes:

Raj: I can't believe you've never read "Eat, Pray, Love."

Sheldon:  There's no switch, just listen and learn.

Sheldon:  I'm 8 for 26 this month.

Howard:  I guess 21 seconds had something to do with that, too.

Sheldon:  Drat, now I'm 8 for 27.

Howard:  Knock, knock,  I have a girlfriend and you don't.

Amy:  I'm a girl.

Sheldon:  Hugh people need to listen to me.

Amy:  Or BFF if you prefer...which I don't.

Penny:  I guess we're having a slumber party.

Sheldon:  Wil Wheaton, The Jar Jar Binks of the Star Trek universe.

Leonard;  Oh, you had to wake him up from his nap, didn't you?

Sheldon:  I'm a total butt wad.

Penny:  And that girls is how you make a phony phone call.

Amy: What is circumference of your aerolas?

Movie Theatre Security Guy:  I'm a petty functionary with a clipboard, bitch.

Amy:  I believe we may have won.

Sheldon:  Trouble is my middle name...actually it's Lee.

Howard:  You run with a bag of urine strapped to your leg!

Tonight's 'Big Bang Theory' Quotes from "The Apology Insufficiency"

Eliza Dushku guest stars tonight as Howard and Sheldon are at odds, and the guys get interviewed by the FBI.

Leonard: I'm going to assume the mantle of self assurance.

Sheldon: A rodent the size of a baby hippo.

Raj: I'm brown and I talk funny.

Special Agent Page: How long have you known Mr. Wolowitz?

Raj: Don't send me back to India. It's like the whole country is one big Comic-Con.

Leonard: Confidence not exuding.

Special Agent Page: Can my 6'2" Navy Seal husband come with us?

Sheldon: And here's my Justice League membership card.

Sheldon: 18 years ago I sent the FBI crime lab a bag of excrement that was burned on my front lawn.

Sheldon: You heard me say Blu-ray, right?

Sheldon: Sheldor to Smeldor.

Sheldon: I was afraid you were going to fixate on that Mars rover incident.

Sheldon: Sleep eludes me, Leonard.

Leonard: Maybe sleep has met you.

Sheldon: No Gorn no, that's where I sit.

Sheldon: When I first met Leonard he was on the verge of giving rocket secrets to a North Korean spy.

Sheldon: Chinese, six fingers, red hair, good bye.

Sheldon: I will offer you a one time only high-five.

Sheldon: I don't like the Olive Garden, they treat me like family.

Sheldon: Blame James "Jimmy" Carter.

Sheldon: I'll have a Rosewater Rickey.

Sheldon: To the Metric System!

Sheldon: Penny, you face failure on a daily basis, how do you cope?

Penny: You can't go back and unhump a girl's boyfriend.

Penny: Kirk cheated.

Sheldon: I'll reprogram Howard. To James Tiberius Kirk!

Raj: I haven't cried like this since Toy Story 3.

Penny: How long?

Leonard: 94 seconds.

Tonight's Big Bang Theory Quotes : "The Irish Pub Formulation"

Tonight's quotable quotes from The Big Bang Theory.  Raj's sister comes to L.A. for a visit and gets cozy with Leonard.  And more classic Sheldon.  

Also, I didn't know foreigners give presents to Americans on Thanksgiving.

Sheldon: Why would I change?

Raj: Hands off my sister...

Sheldon: Why would I touch her, she's so covered in airplane germs.

Sheldon: Apparently you hate fun.

Sheldon: Kill Troll! Hit Troll with Axe! This is one tough Troll!

Sheldon: it's a shame our society mocks the differently uvulated.

Pria: I could never bring a white boy home to my parents. They's have a cow.

Sheldon: I'm no stanger to the topological scurge that is dermatitis.

Sheldon: I was ready to waste the last of my hemroid cream on you.

Sheldon: I had a patty melt.

Leonard: I'm the Darth Vader of Pasadena.

Sheldon: You're far too short to be Darth Vader.

Sheldon: Alfred knows that Barbara Gordon is Batgirl.

Napkin from Maggie McGary: Call me if you are interested in coitus.

Howard: How could you, we had a pact!

Howard: While we're at it, you don't have to wash my clothes on the 4th of July.

Raj: Sheldon, I'm sorry I used your toothbrush.

Sheldon: Mango-Caterpillar

This Week's Big Bang Theory Quotes "The Desperation Emanation"

Lots of relationship banter this week.

Quotes from tonight's episode of The Big Bang Theory:

Sheldon: She's a girl, she's a friend, she's not my (please forgive me for doing this) girlfriend.

Leonard: Ummmmm Shut up!

Sheldon; Allright I'll bow to social pressure, 'Hey!"

Raj: Two words, Deaf Chick!

Stewart: Comic Con , the one place in the world where saying "I own a comic bookstore is a pick-up line."

Amy: A stink of desperation.

Sheldon: I'm a physicist not a hippie!

Leonard: Long story short, they really have a little jail in the mall.

Sheldon: Got your back Jack, bitches be crazy!

Joy: Basically a hundred ways to rip a guy's nuts off.

Howard: I was once robbed by a pre-op transsexual I met on JDate.

Sheldon:  I assure you I'm quite real, and I'm having regular intercourse with your daughter.

Sheldon:  It's time for me to make love to your daughter's vagina.

The Big Bang Theory Quotes of the Night

From the episode called "The Zazzy Substitution"

Raj: I printed out a pdf to read on the potty.

Penny: Hey, look it's Shamy

Wolowitz: And someday when you have varicose veins, I'll show you how to massage them.

Leonard: Oh no, it's John and Yoko.

Wolowitz: More like Yoko and Yoko.

Wolowitz: Women, can't live with them, can't successfully refute their hypothesis

Shelton: Raj, Howard, I'd like you to meet Dr. Robert Oppenheimer.

Shelton: Here's your cat, and here's your $20