The Big Bang Theory Quotes from “The Prestidigitation Approximation”

Does Leonard really have to choose between Penny and Priya? And Howard proves he is quite a magician.

Leonard:  The Kama Sutra.  Was that fun for you, or racially insensitive?

Sheldon:  Is working on magic tricks really how you want to spend your time?

Sheldon:  is it any wonder he doesn't have a doctorate?

Howard:  Ever notice when he thinks real hard it smells like bacon?

Sheldon:  All magic tricks are a combination of distraction and manipulation. 

Sheldon:  Let me see those cards!

Howard:  So you finally getting used to them doing it on a daily basis?

Leonard:  Why would you take me out shopping, then break up with me?

Leonard:  I gave up the gift of sight for you.

Howard:  I have some remedial magic tricks that might be more your speed.

Sheldon:  I need you to pick a card.  Pick a card, put it back and prepare to be amazed.  Is that your card?

Sheldon:  I'm reverse engineering Wolowitz's magic trick.

Sheldon:  Your testicles look a tad warm.

Sheldon:  Relax, we're not under attack right now.

Sheldon:  Where am I going to find Uranium 235 this time of the night?  Come on Craigslist.

Penny:  Look at Leonard in his fancy-ass grown up clothes.

Priya:  That's our Lenny.

Leonard:  It is pretty spicy.

Raj: Beefaroni and a show how do you turn that down.

Sheldon:  The beep is none of your business.

Raj:  These cards have barcodes on them.

Sheldon:  I said ta-da, the show is over.

Leonard:  I can hear the toilet flush in your apartment.

Leonard:  I actually felt silly saying "on the down low."


Raj:  Why so glum chum?

Sheldon:  Apparently you can't buy Uranium 235 with out the Department of Homeland Security contacting your Mother.

The Big Bang Theory Quotes From "The Toast Derivation"

Sheldon finds some new friends and Amy and Bernadette try to cheer Penny up.

Sheldon:  Un Momento, now you're being deliberately stupid.

Sheldon: He sounds suspiciously like Jackie Chan.

Sheldon:  Five people eating and talking is a party.

Sheldon:  I'll go to your haggis party.

Sheldon:  Was it about me, or the dead pixels?

Wolowitz:  Watching Hofstadter suck the saliva out of your sister's mouth?

Sheldon:  Dinner, some assembly required!

Sheldon: Windbreaker for my cape.

Penny:  I was getting your stupid umbrella, but ok.

Sheldon: It was like the last days of Caligula.

Amy Farrah Fowler:  From this angle I can see up your nose.

Sheldon:  I'm the whimsical elf everyone looks to for a good time.

Amy Farrah Fowler:  Leonardstan.

Penny:  If you were a band you would be called Leonard and the Leonards.

Leonard: Levar Burton is coming here?

Sheldon:  Possibly, I tweeted him.

Sheldon:  Well, it would appear Levar Burton won't be joining us.

Barry:  When is the waffle?

Amy Farrah Fowler: Yo, P-Dog!

Zack:  There's nobody around so naturally I'm freeballin' it.

Barry: Go ahead Zack, drunk girl, freballin'...

Zack: So long story short I nailed here.

Zack: I shouted Holy Moly!

Priya: Sheldon's a bit quirky.

Wolowitz:  Sheldon got punched by Bill Gates.

Bernadette:  I would take that deal all day long.

Amy Farrah Fowler: Do you have an electric toothbrush?

Penny:  Let's go find me a hiney to bite.

Stewart:  Did they do Walking on Sunshine yet?

Leonard:  He tried to declare our apartment a sovereign nation.  I still have some of the currency.

Sheldon:  Your girlfriend is a little short tempered.

Sheldon:  This is good, whatever it is.

Guys:  I'm Walking on Sunshine...

The Big Bang Theory Quotes from "The Cohabitation Formulation"

Wolowitz finds himself having to choose between Bernadette and his mother and Leonard has another encounter with Raj's sister Priya

Wolowitz: I do get carried away sometimes.

Bernadette:  You sound a little like a drunken monkey.

Wolowitz: My Mother needs me in the morning.

Bernadette: I think a woman can put on a wig by herself.

Wolowitz: Sex criminals don't have keys, Mom.

Mrs. Wolowitz: I know what that means. I watch Dr. Phil.

Wolowitz: Nobody has any diseases!

Mrs. Wolowitz: Is that what you want, to give your Mother herpes?

Leonard:  Still arguing over which CSI is the best?

Sheldon:  I'm upset we have an unannounced house guest, cocoa, Leonard.

Leonard:  That's a real pickle, bye.

Sheldon:  That's what tertiary friends are for.

Raj:  I forbidid it.

Raj:  You may talk in the bedroom, but I want this door to remain open.

Raj: I forbid you to hold hands.

Sheldon: The Hindu code of manu is very clear in these manners.

Sheldon: Leonard and Penny used to do the dance with no pants.

Raj:  Penny, why did you get disenchanted with Leonard as a lover?

Bernadette: If you Mom's nose holds up, we get to spend two nights together.

Amy Farrah Fowler:  Let's talk about Priya, that man stealing bitch.

Penny:  What do you mean, more suitable?

Amy Farrah Fowler: You are a community college drop out who wrote the book on tipping cows.

Wolowitz: I choose you.

Raj:  I'd love that.  Everybody in India says it the same way.

Sheldon:  If pepperoni was an explosive substance you would replace German Shepherds at out nation's airports.

Amy Farrah Fowler:  Who are you kidding, she's breathtaking.

Sheldon:  You get the part.

Sheldon:  Given the state of your career, can you afford to be picky?

Leonard:  What, with my tongue in your tail.

Wolowitz:  You got any string cheese?

Wolowitz:  I get little red bumps on my tookus.

Mrs Wolowitz:  Remember to floss, we have the dentist in the morning.

Amy Farrah Fowler: Now let's get these electrodes attached.

Sheldon:  It's actually Thai, you're slipping.

Amy Farrah Fowler:  What up Bestie!

Sheldon:  I'm sorry, it's not optional.

Tonight's Big Bang Theory Quotes from "The Benefactor Factor"

Leonard is persued by a wealthy benefactor, and the gang encourages him.

Raj:  It's tater tot Tuesday.  That's why I'm here.

Sheldon:  I refuse to be trotted out and showed off like a prized hog at the Texas State Fair.

Raj: Tater tots and a party invitation, what a great day!

Howard:  Let's go smooch some wrinkled butts.

Sheldon:  Tell him the mask thing.

Raj:  In India we don't make the mistake of letting poor people have dreams.

Howard:  Most engineers don't bother with a degree.

Mrs. Latham: You're a space plumber!

Raj:  I have to tinkle.

Sheldon:  Prepare to be minimized.

Sheldon:  That explains those puzzling camel race photos on your Facebook page.

Sheldon:  Not the dirt people!

Raj:  Look at the size of these shrimp!

Sheldon: No, I'm just here for your money, I dont want to shake any "germy" hands.

Sheldon:  I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

Sheldon:  Who's crazy now?

Sheldon:  An entire dinner to talk about your research.  Where are you having dinner, drive-thru at Jack in the Box?

Sheldon:  I've got your back, Jack.

Leonard:  Ok, now you don't remind me of my mom.

Sheldon:  We have potatoes, I can make you vodka, it will take 2 weeks.

Penny:  We can keep explaining you everything, read that book we got you.

Penny:  You're really a broken toy aren't you?

Sheldon:  Penny, you're an expert at trading sexual favors for material gains.

Sheldon:  It is to Viagra as Viagra is to a green M&M.

Sheldon:  Look at those saddle shoes, rarrrrrr!

Sheldon:  Use your genitalia to accomplish something.

Mrs. Latham:  You'll remember a night with me for the rest of your life.

Penny:  Good morning, slut.

Penny:  I recognize the walk of shame when I see it.

Sheldon:  She stiffed you?

Sheldon:  You have a real nack for being a gigolo, Leonard.

Leonard:  I didn't do it for the money!

Howard:  How was she?

The Big Bang Theory Quotes from "The Thespian Catalyst"

What is the world coming to?  Sheldon is taking acting lessons from Penny, Raj has a crush on Bernadette and Leonard ponders SyFy.


Sheldon:  You're the most important electron in a Hydrogen atom.

Leonard:  How do you get an entire lecture hall to flip you off at the same time.

Penny:  Listening to Dr. Cooper has made me want to start cutting myself again.

Sheldon:  I may have changed a few lives today.

Sheldon:  Oh, Tweets about my lecture.

Sheldon:  I'm not familiar with the acronym KMN.

Sheldon:  I didn't want to teach those poopy heads anyway!

Howard:  That is what Darth Vader said right before he started building the Death Star.

Raj:  It's like accidently walking into a gay bar and nobody hitting on you.

Raj:  I want to be something with sex appeal like a Labradoodle.

Sheldon:  Since my ill attempt to complete a chin up in March of 1989.

Amy Farrah Fowler:  Maybe you should take acting lessons.

Penny:  You want an acting lesson?

Sheldon:  "I suck the big one."

Howard:  Bernadette has needs.  Sexual needs.

Raj:  I'm definitely not gay.

Sheldon:  And Henry Winkler's AAAAAAAAAA! I'm an actor.

Penny: Nobody calls action.

Sheldon:  I'd like a frozen yogurt please.

Sheldon:  I see a sign that says Camarillo State Mental Hospital.

Leonard: SyFy, That's Sifie.

Howard:  Listen to me, I'm not going to make it.

Raj: I guess I have no choice to make sweet, guilty love to you for the rest of your life.

Sheldon:  So is the McRib sandwich, I don't care for that either.

Penny:  Where no Sheldon has gone before?

Sheldon:  Mr. Spock, the role I will bring to life.

Penny:  I am Spock.

Sheldon:  I just don't buy it.

Sheldon:  I just love that line, even the way you do it.

Sheldon:  Don't let Spock take me to the future.\

Raj: Dance number aside, I'm so not gay.