The Big Bang Theory Quotes from "The Wildebeest Implementation"

Is Raj able to talk to girls now?  And how sneaky are Penny and Bernadette?

Here are tonight's quotes:

Amy: Is she always this crabby when she urinates?

Amy: That bitch is crafty?

Bernadette:  What makes me the weakest member?

Amy: You wouldn't last a minute on the Serengeti.

Penny:  I'll have to rent my womb to a gay couple.

Amy: Leonard's no stranger to back-alley cockfights.

Sheldon:  I finally have a handle on my idea for three-person chess.

Sheldon: The serpent and the old woman.

Leonard: Einstein had a pretty busy sex life.

Amy:  My metatarsals are barking!

Amy: Don't leer, you have a girlfriend.

Raj:  I'd rather get a prostate exam from a leper that walks away with nine fingers.

Amy: The Wildebeest is in the curry.

Amy: Priya, wouldn't want to be ya.

Leonard: You kidding, 3-D.

Howard:  That shows the studio has faith in it.

Howard: I'm not going to help you, this is hilarious.

Bernadette: She's also dating an astronaut.

Sheldon: I don't want to hug you.

Sheldon: Perhaps we can assign a color to lonely.  You look positively orange with loneliness.

Sheldon: Prince Joey.

Sheldon; The funny thing about Prince Joey is everytime he moves there is a one in five chance he kills himself.

Sheldon: You gobble these up like Tic Tacs.

Bernadette: I have to pee, or is that implausible as well?

Amy: We may have to kill her.

Bernadette: It was an architect!

Sheldon: I'm just here to observe.

Raj: Here, go buy yourself a scone.

Raj: She didn't even get see my penis. Ta Da!

Leonard: Gals, who are you, Fred Flintstone?

Leonard: I think the word you are looking for is befuddled.

Sheldon: My catapult slings my bishop.

Howard: Rook to transporter pad.

Leonard: When is my pawn allowed to use the golf cart?

Sheldon: I knew I should've given my Pope the jet pack.

Made in Atlanta: Protect Your Gadgets with a Rookcase

I want one badly, a Rookcase that is.  If you're an avid Kindle, iPad or Nook user but miss the feel of a real book, an Atlanta entreprenuer may be able to solve your problem. She makes the Rookcase, a protective case for those high-tech e-reader gadgets that is actually handcrafted from recycled books.

It's made by Atlanta-based Etsy artisan Heather Schnelle, and it serves two purposes. The Rookcase protects your e-reader and lets it go incognito with a "book style" case. There's a variety of cases offered: some are from actual old books, while others are new and modern. For these sleeker contemporary models, there's the possibility of selecting one of four outer cover colors and one of 14 interior cover colors available.

Each case is unique, depending on which recycled book you prefer. Some are classic covers like an older edition of The Hobbit, while others can be a little more modern looking.

It also helps the environment by recycling all those unused books we have taking up space.

The cases come with a cushioned, custom one piece birch tray, and there's an elastic book strap for added protection.

Get one or two of these now. Here's Heather's place on Etsy: http://www.etsy.com/shop/Rookcase?ref=top_trail .  Get one for your Mom, too.

Record Flooding Along Mississippi

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Midwesterners are witnessing a slow-motion disaster that could break flood records dating to the 1920s, thousands of people from Illinois to Louisiana have already been forced from their homes, and anxiety is rising along with the mighty river, even though it could be a week or two before some of the most severe flooding hits.

"I've never seen it this bad," said 78-year-old Joe Harrison, who has lived in the same house in Hickman, KY since he was 11 months old.

Floodwaters turned his house into an island — dry but surrounded by water. He has been using a boat to get to his car, parked on dry ground along a highway that runs by his house.

Forecasters and emergency officials said some of the high-water records set during the great floods of 1927 and 1937 could fall. On Wednesday, for example, the Mississippi eclipsed the 46-foot mark set in 1937 in Caruthersville, Mo., and the water was still rising, with a crest of 49.5 feet forecast for Sunday.

Tom Salem, a meteorologist with the National Weather Service in Memphis, said flooding is extreme this year in part because of drenching rain over the past two weeks. In some areas, Wednesday was the first day without rain since April 25.

"It's been a massive amount of rain for a long period of time. And we're still getting snowmelt from Montana," Salem said.

President Barack Obama on Wednesday declared parts of Tennessee, Mississippi and Kentucky disasters, making the states eligible for federal help with relief efforts. It does not cover individual assistance.

Modern Family Quotes from 'Mother's Day'

A Mother's Day in the great outdoors and Jay and Phil take over the cooking duties.

Here are tonight's quotes:

Haley: It's perverted.  it looks like you were felt up by the creepy guy around the corner.

Gloria:  A necklace made of the Fruit Loops.

Manny:   Those aren't real Fruit Loops they are generic.

Mitchell:  Today is your day.

Cam:  It's Mother's Day Mitchell.

Cam:  I'm a woman!

Mitchell:  Scratch the balloons, she's on a mood.

Jay:  Were not doing that.

Haley:  I'm getting dust in my mouth.

Gloria:  You have to appreciate nature, soon this will be a mall.

Mitchell:  It's Mother's Day, not martyr's day.

Cam:  I could snap you like a twig.

Manny:  That was poison oak, I think the rash is spreading.

Gloria:  You can't bitch all day, because you aren't at the beach all day.

Alex:  If we are thoughtless, how can we think?

Phil:  Onion goggles, no more tears when I cook.

Claire:  Sometimes I want to punch my kids.

Gloria:  He's persnickety.

Gloria:  Go outside, kick a ball, steal something.

Luke:  Wake up and smell the internet, Grandma!

Phil:  I shamed the proud lion.  Only thing to do, hug the proud lion.

Cam:  They think of me as a woman.

Mitchell:  Your slightly "mommer"

Mitchell:  Oh God, he looks old!   Hands!

Gloria:  I curse my tongue!

Manny:  There was some horrible stuff said about my poetry.

Claire: That's healthy.

Mitchell:  Put down the scotch, you're not fooling anyone.

Cam: It's so burning!

Haley: We're your mother now!

Gloria: You cried for your Mommy!

Mitchell:  She taught me to twirl.

Gloria: On my God, it's happening again.

Cam: Don't even try, I have that pottery class in the morning.



iPad Free App of the Week: Retro/Classic TV

Do you like classic television programs?

RetroTV is a new app with more than 100 hours of classic television. Watch the old school classic TV collection and watch YouTube or your own movies in Retro style. More than 40 retro TV ads included for your amusement and bemusement?!? Taking you back… all the way back.

Features Includes:
*AirPlay enabled
*Full Screen option
*Scrubbing/Play/Pause functions
*Change RetroTV color [50 colors available]
*YouTube playback
*My Movies playback
**Cool Tip - Use iPad 2 HDMI output adaptor to display RetroTV on your TV:)

Get back to the way it was with the RetroTV App.

Including: The Three Stooges, The Lucy Show, Alfred Hitchcock, Groucho Marx, Beverly Hillbillies, George Orwell's 1984, Mister Ed, Bruce Lee - The Lost Interview, Perry Como, D-Day Victory at Sea, The Lone Ranger, Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley, Jackie Gleason, Miss Television Beauty Pageant, Petticoat Junction, Roy Rogers, Sherlock Holmes, Frankenstein, Robin Hood, The Dick Van Dyke Show, Flash Gordon, Laurel and Hardy, and tons more.