The Big Bang Theory Quotes from 'The Engagement Reaction'

Howard's mother lands in the hospital after she finds out Howard and Bernadette may be engaged.  Are Penny and Priya getting chummy?

Here are the quotes:

Bernadette: Do you want me to spill hot soup on her?

Sheldon: I'm dead. 

Raj:  That's my sister and my country you are talking about.

Sheldon: He drank from Leonard's glass.  That will be etched on my tombstone.

Howard:  I was thinking of weaving it into her eulogy.

Raj: She's got puddles in all the wrong places.

Howard:  The eagle has landed. 

Howard:  You mean Adolf and Eva?

Howard:  Stand back, I'm going to break the door down!

Sheldon:  I don't jibber-jabber.

Penny:  You are about to jibber-jabber about jibber-jabber.

Sheldon:  Not all germs, just the ones that will kill me.

Howard:  After I found the courage to put her pants back on, I was on a roll.

Howard:  My family is the history of heart disease.

Bernadette:  I have sex with him and she can't.

Priya:  They called themselves the New Delhi Power Rangers.

Howard:  One day our son will marry someone and it will kill you.

Sheldon:  Friendship requires a certain give and take.

Dr.:  She'd like to see the little Catholic girl first.

Raj: So you do a striptease?

Leonard:  There was one time I put body glitter on.

Leonard:  You really are a mean little man.

Leonard:  I'm the King of Foreplay.

Raj:  Hellhounds, who let the Satanic dogs out.

Raj: I've got a collosal serpent right here!

Raj: Rotting Zombie, Sheldon's new Facebook Photo.


The Big Bang Theory Quotes from "The Wildebeest Implementation"

Is Raj able to talk to girls now?  And how sneaky are Penny and Bernadette?

Here are tonight's quotes:

Amy: Is she always this crabby when she urinates?

Amy: That bitch is crafty?

Bernadette:  What makes me the weakest member?

Amy: You wouldn't last a minute on the Serengeti.

Penny:  I'll have to rent my womb to a gay couple.

Amy: Leonard's no stranger to back-alley cockfights.

Sheldon:  I finally have a handle on my idea for three-person chess.

Sheldon: The serpent and the old woman.

Leonard: Einstein had a pretty busy sex life.

Amy:  My metatarsals are barking!

Amy: Don't leer, you have a girlfriend.

Raj:  I'd rather get a prostate exam from a leper that walks away with nine fingers.

Amy: The Wildebeest is in the curry.

Amy: Priya, wouldn't want to be ya.

Leonard: You kidding, 3-D.

Howard:  That shows the studio has faith in it.

Howard: I'm not going to help you, this is hilarious.

Bernadette: She's also dating an astronaut.

Sheldon: I don't want to hug you.

Sheldon: Perhaps we can assign a color to lonely.  You look positively orange with loneliness.

Sheldon: Prince Joey.

Sheldon; The funny thing about Prince Joey is everytime he moves there is a one in five chance he kills himself.

Sheldon: You gobble these up like Tic Tacs.

Bernadette: I have to pee, or is that implausible as well?

Amy: We may have to kill her.

Bernadette: It was an architect!

Sheldon: I'm just here to observe.

Raj: Here, go buy yourself a scone.

Raj: She didn't even get see my penis. Ta Da!

Leonard: Gals, who are you, Fred Flintstone?

Leonard: I think the word you are looking for is befuddled.

Sheldon: My catapult slings my bishop.

Howard: Rook to transporter pad.

Leonard: When is my pawn allowed to use the golf cart?

Sheldon: I knew I should've given my Pope the jet pack.

Big Bang Theory Quotes from "The Agreement Dissection"

Leonard has had it with Shelton's famous "roommate agreement" so Priya springs into action like any good lawyer.  Sheldon takes up dancing.

Here are tonight's quotes.

Sheldon: 32 oz. banana smoothie, 14 oz. bladder.

Priya:  Leonard, let the man pee!

Sheldon: Move, move, move.

Leonard:  Cool, I have a lawyer, and I've seen her naked.

Leonard; Licensed to practice law in 3 countries and your face.

Leonard: Schooled!

Leonard: Shower sex with you is the second best thing that happened today.

The guys: ooompa!

Leonard:  I got you the lamb kabob.

Sheldon:  The Greeks, they gave us science, democracy and little cubes of beef that taste like sweat.

Penny:  We'll probably be trashing Priya a little.

Bernadette:  What's up with those pants suits?

Amy: See,  crazy!

Amy:  You smell like baby powder.

Sheldon: it's talc.

Amy: You're a sexy toddler.

Sheldon:  I had to give mouth to mouth to a nun.

Amy:  Give me some sugar bestie!

Bernadette:  I bet he looks like a spider on a hot plate.

Sheldon:  I saved a nun's life, why am I being punished.

Bernadette: Muy caliente, Sheldon!

Sheldon:  It's hard to say no to Yoo Who!

Sheldon:  You own a smoking monkey?

Amy:  I can train him to shoot a poisoned dart.  No jury in the world will convict a monkey.

Sheldon: A stylized penile display.

Sheldon:  You really are an ass.

Sheldon: I never bluff.

Computer: Self destruct sequence aborted.

Sheldon: Good morning Amy!

Amy: It most certainly is not.

Amy:  I also found a Korean businesman's business card tucked in my cleavage.

Amy: They were out of menthols, get off my back!

The Big Bang Theory Quotes from "The Herb Garden Germination"

Sheldon and Amy start rumors about themselves, and what's going on with Wolowitz and Bernadette?

Amy:  We work so hard, sometimes it nice to do something silly.

Sheldon:  Really Amy, gossip?

Sheldon:  Forgive my language, poppycock!

Sheldon:  I kid of course, big fan.

Sheldon:  My father taught me archery as a child.

Sheldon:  A prolonged exposure to penny has turned her into a Gabby Gertie.

Leonard:  Boy, you sure get your money's worth out of these games.

Leonard:  There is a big inspection coming up and I don't want to lose my television privileges.

Priya:  My brother has a big crush on Bernadette.

Priya:  He writes poetry.  Oh Bernadette, please play my clarinet.

Penny:  I know how to keep a secret.

Raj:  I think you broke my toe.

Wolowitz:  I'm sorry, I was somewhere else.

Leonard:  Lucky bastard!

Raj:  Smile means something different in my country.  You know, tears of joy, smiles of sadness.

Amy:  He looks much cooler than the non smoking monkeys.  The others just sit around and masturbate.

Sheldon:  Everyone was set a twitter, although no one tweeted.

Sheldon:  The phrase Shelly Cooper is a smelly pooper spread like wildfire.

Sheldon:  You're a vixen, Amy Farrah Fowler.

Raj:  I just felt like drinking alone, because I'm deep and dark.

Penny: That gossipy bitch.

Penny:  Sheldon and Amy had sex!

Raj:  Shut your Ass!

Raj:  Can't believe old Smelly Pooper got laid.

Leonard:  What a lovely glow she has these days.

Sheldon:  As my mother would say, those Asians are an inscrutable folk.

Sheldon:  pretending to have intercourse with you has given me a great deal of satisfaction.

Amy:  The meme has reached full penetration.

Sheldon:  Blow-by-blow as it were.

Sheldon:  It's going to make me a chick magnet.

Bernadette:  Yes, I will marry you.

Raj:  You will?

Amy:  I'm getting orthodics, I'm also carrying Sheldon's baby, mums the word.

The Big Bang Theory Quotes from “The Prestidigitation Approximation”

Does Leonard really have to choose between Penny and Priya? And Howard proves he is quite a magician.

Leonard:  The Kama Sutra.  Was that fun for you, or racially insensitive?

Sheldon:  Is working on magic tricks really how you want to spend your time?

Sheldon:  is it any wonder he doesn't have a doctorate?

Howard:  Ever notice when he thinks real hard it smells like bacon?

Sheldon:  All magic tricks are a combination of distraction and manipulation. 

Sheldon:  Let me see those cards!

Howard:  So you finally getting used to them doing it on a daily basis?

Leonard:  Why would you take me out shopping, then break up with me?

Leonard:  I gave up the gift of sight for you.

Howard:  I have some remedial magic tricks that might be more your speed.

Sheldon:  I need you to pick a card.  Pick a card, put it back and prepare to be amazed.  Is that your card?

Sheldon:  I'm reverse engineering Wolowitz's magic trick.

Sheldon:  Your testicles look a tad warm.

Sheldon:  Relax, we're not under attack right now.

Sheldon:  Where am I going to find Uranium 235 this time of the night?  Come on Craigslist.

Penny:  Look at Leonard in his fancy-ass grown up clothes.

Priya:  That's our Lenny.

Leonard:  It is pretty spicy.

Raj: Beefaroni and a show how do you turn that down.

Sheldon:  The beep is none of your business.

Raj:  These cards have barcodes on them.

Sheldon:  I said ta-da, the show is over.

Leonard:  I can hear the toilet flush in your apartment.

Leonard:  I actually felt silly saying "on the down low."


Raj:  Why so glum chum?

Sheldon:  Apparently you can't buy Uranium 235 with out the Department of Homeland Security contacting your Mother.