The Big Bang Theory Quotes From "The Toast Derivation"

Sheldon finds some new friends and Amy and Bernadette try to cheer Penny up.

Sheldon:  Un Momento, now you're being deliberately stupid.

Sheldon: He sounds suspiciously like Jackie Chan.

Sheldon:  Five people eating and talking is a party.

Sheldon:  I'll go to your haggis party.

Sheldon:  Was it about me, or the dead pixels?

Wolowitz:  Watching Hofstadter suck the saliva out of your sister's mouth?

Sheldon:  Dinner, some assembly required!

Sheldon: Windbreaker for my cape.

Penny:  I was getting your stupid umbrella, but ok.

Sheldon: It was like the last days of Caligula.

Amy Farrah Fowler:  From this angle I can see up your nose.

Sheldon:  I'm the whimsical elf everyone looks to for a good time.

Amy Farrah Fowler:  Leonardstan.

Penny:  If you were a band you would be called Leonard and the Leonards.

Leonard: Levar Burton is coming here?

Sheldon:  Possibly, I tweeted him.

Sheldon:  Well, it would appear Levar Burton won't be joining us.

Barry:  When is the waffle?

Amy Farrah Fowler: Yo, P-Dog!

Zack:  There's nobody around so naturally I'm freeballin' it.

Barry: Go ahead Zack, drunk girl, freballin'...

Zack: So long story short I nailed here.

Zack: I shouted Holy Moly!

Priya: Sheldon's a bit quirky.

Wolowitz:  Sheldon got punched by Bill Gates.

Bernadette:  I would take that deal all day long.

Amy Farrah Fowler: Do you have an electric toothbrush?

Penny:  Let's go find me a hiney to bite.

Stewart:  Did they do Walking on Sunshine yet?

Leonard:  He tried to declare our apartment a sovereign nation.  I still have some of the currency.

Sheldon:  Your girlfriend is a little short tempered.

Sheldon:  This is good, whatever it is.

Guys:  I'm Walking on Sunshine...

The Big Bang Theory Quotes from "The Cohabitation Formulation"

Wolowitz finds himself having to choose between Bernadette and his mother and Leonard has another encounter with Raj's sister Priya

Wolowitz: I do get carried away sometimes.

Bernadette:  You sound a little like a drunken monkey.

Wolowitz: My Mother needs me in the morning.

Bernadette: I think a woman can put on a wig by herself.

Wolowitz: Sex criminals don't have keys, Mom.

Mrs. Wolowitz: I know what that means. I watch Dr. Phil.

Wolowitz: Nobody has any diseases!

Mrs. Wolowitz: Is that what you want, to give your Mother herpes?

Leonard:  Still arguing over which CSI is the best?

Sheldon:  I'm upset we have an unannounced house guest, cocoa, Leonard.

Leonard:  That's a real pickle, bye.

Sheldon:  That's what tertiary friends are for.

Raj:  I forbidid it.

Raj:  You may talk in the bedroom, but I want this door to remain open.

Raj: I forbid you to hold hands.

Sheldon: The Hindu code of manu is very clear in these manners.

Sheldon: Leonard and Penny used to do the dance with no pants.

Raj:  Penny, why did you get disenchanted with Leonard as a lover?

Bernadette: If you Mom's nose holds up, we get to spend two nights together.

Amy Farrah Fowler:  Let's talk about Priya, that man stealing bitch.

Penny:  What do you mean, more suitable?

Amy Farrah Fowler: You are a community college drop out who wrote the book on tipping cows.

Wolowitz: I choose you.

Raj:  I'd love that.  Everybody in India says it the same way.

Sheldon:  If pepperoni was an explosive substance you would replace German Shepherds at out nation's airports.

Amy Farrah Fowler:  Who are you kidding, she's breathtaking.

Sheldon:  You get the part.

Sheldon:  Given the state of your career, can you afford to be picky?

Leonard:  What, with my tongue in your tail.

Wolowitz:  You got any string cheese?

Wolowitz:  I get little red bumps on my tookus.

Mrs Wolowitz:  Remember to floss, we have the dentist in the morning.

Amy Farrah Fowler: Now let's get these electrodes attached.

Sheldon:  It's actually Thai, you're slipping.

Amy Farrah Fowler:  What up Bestie!

Sheldon:  I'm sorry, it's not optional.

The Best Modern Family Quotes from "Princess Party"

Modern Family shifts into another gear tonite with a "Princess Party".  Maybe this episode should've been called "Fizbo the Clown".  Shelley Long and Matt Dillon guest star.

Haley:  I have a learning disability.

Luke:  Hey Mom, I'm firsty.

Mitchell: No Fizbo.  Not Fizbo the needy clown.

Cam:  They don't, they're comically large.

Manny:  The timelessness of cashmere.

Gloria:  You told me to make the beep.

Phil:  We're going to need you on the front lines.

Luke:  I need a giant lollipop, and I need it now.

Phil: Fasten your seat-belts.

Robbie:  All she said was you were still trying to figure out your life.

Phil:  Maybe Robbie needs a limo because he has a lot of DUI's.

Gloria:  Do you want me to hold it and stand in the driveway?

Jay:  Greatest news ever!

Robbie:  And let me tell you something, this chick was fat!

Mitchell:  I have to jump.

Cam:  Entertaining and delighting children is who I am.

Haley:  I love your stories Nana, keep on going.

Didi:  Robbie could charm your socks off, but I doubt if he stopped there.

Phil:  I used to think your Mother liked me.

Phil:  No more polite LOL's for you, Didi.

Mitchell:  Stop eyeing the princess.

Claire:  She made out with my ex-boyfriend last night.

Cam:  Glitter, that will settle in her lungs.

Cam: Never break character.  Never, never!

Didi:  That's Lily, I guess you are trying to keep the outfit I sent her clean.

Robbie:  I had a crush on your Mother back in high school.

Claire:  Why can't you be a normal old grandma?

Claire:  I'm screaming at a princess party.

Robbie:  I'm getting some serious vibes from the princess.

Mitchell:  Every kid wants a clown for a Dad.

Phil: I've got Gloria!

Gloria:  Jay, pay attention, read your lines.

Jay:  Cam's going to return it anyway.



Tonight's Big Bang Theory Quotes from "The Benefactor Factor"

Leonard is persued by a wealthy benefactor, and the gang encourages him.

Raj:  It's tater tot Tuesday.  That's why I'm here.

Sheldon:  I refuse to be trotted out and showed off like a prized hog at the Texas State Fair.

Raj: Tater tots and a party invitation, what a great day!

Howard:  Let's go smooch some wrinkled butts.

Sheldon:  Tell him the mask thing.

Raj:  In India we don't make the mistake of letting poor people have dreams.

Howard:  Most engineers don't bother with a degree.

Mrs. Latham: You're a space plumber!

Raj:  I have to tinkle.

Sheldon:  Prepare to be minimized.

Sheldon:  That explains those puzzling camel race photos on your Facebook page.

Sheldon:  Not the dirt people!

Raj:  Look at the size of these shrimp!

Sheldon: No, I'm just here for your money, I dont want to shake any "germy" hands.

Sheldon:  I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

Sheldon:  Who's crazy now?

Sheldon:  An entire dinner to talk about your research.  Where are you having dinner, drive-thru at Jack in the Box?

Sheldon:  I've got your back, Jack.

Leonard:  Ok, now you don't remind me of my mom.

Sheldon:  We have potatoes, I can make you vodka, it will take 2 weeks.

Penny:  We can keep explaining you everything, read that book we got you.

Penny:  You're really a broken toy aren't you?

Sheldon:  Penny, you're an expert at trading sexual favors for material gains.

Sheldon:  It is to Viagra as Viagra is to a green M&M.

Sheldon:  Look at those saddle shoes, rarrrrrr!

Sheldon:  Use your genitalia to accomplish something.

Mrs. Latham:  You'll remember a night with me for the rest of your life.

Penny:  Good morning, slut.

Penny:  I recognize the walk of shame when I see it.

Sheldon:  She stiffed you?

Sheldon:  You have a real nack for being a gigolo, Leonard.

Leonard:  I didn't do it for the money!

Howard:  How was she?

Modern Family Quotes of the Night from "Bixby's Back"

Claire and Phil role play.  Jay tries too hard and Mitchell and Cam think they both have a secret admirer.

Phil:  Panties?

Phil: She lost her under panties.

Mitchell:  He does not have a crush on me.

Phil:  This is how you do "V" Day!

Claire:  Most of these people were here on V-E Day.

Claire/Juliana:  May I speak to Clive?

Phil/Clive:  Baby Doll, I've been lying to my wife for 16 years.

Phil: Nobody walks anymore!

Jay: What kind of guy messes up two Valentines Days in a row?  Not this idiot.

Jay:  Bam! She looks like a big idiot.

Haley: David never sent me a jar of his own tears.

Manny:  Who is Haley Dunphy?

Cam:  Gasp! I'm shocked.

Cam: Me, Mitchell, wedge.

Broderick: Did I validate you?

Cam: Oh, yes.

Clive/Phil:  You look hot enough to cook a pizza on...in.

Clive/Phil:  I'm good at catching things from women in bars.

Jay:  Five-course meal at home and she's strapping on the feed bag at Ibiza.

Juliana/Claire:  I can still hear your pants.

Clive/Phil:  Maybe I should just shut them up.

Phil:  There's been a tiny mistake.

Cam:  Your assistant is hot for me.

Mitchell  Well pick out china and move to Vermont.

Gloria:  I'm the second wife Jay, why do you treat me like the first?

Gloria:  I trick you.  I win!

Gloria:  Shut up!  I win.

Claire:  Let's not push it, you almost got arrested tonight.

Haley:  I haven't been single since I was nine.

Cam/Mitchell:  Ryan!